I have learned a lot in my marriage.  We have been married for about 5 years, and two kids later we are finally beginning to see what we are doing right and what we are doing wrong.  Here’s a few ways I learned to support my husband in life, and how that completely changed our marriage.

Let me start by telling you where I began.  I am going to be completely honest here, so be prepared.  I have been on many dates and have met many men.  There are many things I regret in this life, and spending time with the kind of men that I used to date is one of them.  Many of them did not value my worth, a few of them were verbally abusive, and too many I shared my bed with.  

I hold a lot of shame in my life for this.  I didn’t feel beautiful, and this allowed me to feel beautiful for just a moment.  I didn’t feel loved, and it convinced me that I was loved for just a moment.  Was it worth it?  

You mean, was it worth the years of shame I still hold?  Absolutely not.  But in the moment, it was what it was.

After years of feeling shameful, ugly, unloved, and unworthy, I fell in love with God.  I began to feel loved and worthy and all of those things I was missing in my life.

I met my husband shortly after.  Let me tell you, this man is nothing short of a miracle in my life.  He compliments God’s love in me perfectly..  He accepts all of me.  Anything and everything I do, he accepts with grace.  Most of all, he shows me how God loves me every day.  And that is why I will do anything and everything to keep my marriage alive.

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Husbands need support from us, ladies, just like we need it from them.  Have you ever asked “Why hasn’t he noticed that the dishes are done?  Doesn’t he know what I do throughout the day?  Why isn’t he telling me?”  He may need the same type of support, but he may not be thinking about communicating his needs to you.   

Now, he may not be a “Words of Affirmation” type (from the incredible book The Five Love Languages), but use this article and personalize it to your hubby.  Remember, he is hardworking, too, and sometimes we don’t notice.  How many times has he done something unexpected?  Don’t you want to do that in return?  

Maybe you have been arguing lately, or you have hit a rough patch and need to create a spark to reignite you two.  Well, once you do something to support him, he will want to do the same for you!  Oftentimes, right after you do something for him, he will return the favor!  Win win!  

So here are a few ways you can support him in the different areas of your life!

At Home

I’m starting here because I believe everyone wants to come home to a comfortable environment.  Take time to create a soothing place for your hubby.

If you are a stay at home momma, make him his favorite dinner.  Set out some comfy clothes for him.  Make sure the kids are settled when he gets home so he doesn’t walk in the door only to face chaos.  He gets enough of that at work.

If you are a working momma, think about what you can add to your morning routine.  Could you make him a cup of coffee?  Maybe write him a note and stick it in his lunch.  Too busy for that?  Try texting him a sweet message or make time to call him at lunch.

There are so many ways to make him feel appreciated throughout the day.  As a stay at home momma, I realize my hubby has stress too and works just as hard as I do in different ways.  I try my absolute best to support him at home and throughout the day.

At Work

My husband is a “Words of Affirmation” kind of guy.  I know how hard of a worker he is, and I try to tell him every day.  But sometimes it’s nice for others to have a say, too.  Every once in awhile I like to add a post to Facebook about how proud I am and how much I respect my husband for ___.  I make sure to add the why.  The more specifics you add, the more your message means to the person you express it to and the more heartfelt your feelings come across.

Ask him how his day was and REALLY listen.  Now, I will admit.  This is difficult for me.  My hubby is in the scientific field, and my brain just doesn’t work that way (full on artist, baby!).

But I try to learn.  I ask him questions about what certain words mean and about certain processes he is doing.  I don’t always remember those processes later, but he likes to share them with me.  If it is important to him, it’s important to me.

Try planning a lunch date.  Take him a meal, and go have a picnic if it is nice outside.  This kind of effort can save marriages!  I can’t tell you how many times we have started down a rough road together and date nights (or lunches) have helped us reconnect.  Invest in your hubby!  He is worth it!

At Church

Does your man volunteer?  Treat this just like the work segment.  Ask him questions about what he is doing.  Ask him how he feels about volunteering, and how he thinks he is impacting other believers.

If he doesn’t feel he is, help him find where his passion is.  What does he love to do, what does he think he is good at, and what do others say he is good at?  These were questions our past church asked us when we first came to volunteer at church.  These questions changed how we viewed volunteering.

Volunteering isn’t just about serving for God.  It’s about serving God with excellence, passion, and skill to bring others to Him.  If he has been volunteering for a while, remind him of how he has grown in his craft.  Did he have a rough Sunday?  Remind him to do his best. That is all that is asked of him by God.

Is he struggling with an issue with church members or leadership?  Support him by getting into the Bible together to find the answers and ask Godly people around you to help support your husband in his ministry.

In His Faith

We all have times when we don’t feel God’s presence, and maybe your husband is feeling like God has been silent.  Support your husband by reading the bible together.  Read the same devotional together and discuss it.  Read the same chapter in the bible and talk about it.

When my husband and I were having a difficult time feeling close to God, my hubby went to the Bible.  I wanted to support him, so I read with him.  When he didn’t want to read the Bible I would encourage him.  We were each other’s accountability partners.  Since we were reading together it was easy to persuade the other because we didn’t want to miss our discussion.

Take time and pray together.  This is difficult for us.  Prayer is a very personal and intimate time with God, but adding that intimacy with God into our marriage only enhanced our relationship’s intimacy.

Find areas that you can grow with your husband in your relationships with God.  Look for areas God asks us to step out and trust him (tithing, volunteering, etc).  Jump in with your husband!

Remember, he is the head of your household and has the responsibility of leading your family in their relationship with Christ.  That’s a big responsibility!  And any support he can get will only come back to build your relationship with Christ.

In The Bedroom

I’m adding this area because men DEFINITELY feel support during intimacy.  They feel loved and desired.  Sex makes them feel like your hero, like they have won the princess.

This one area I have less experience in when it comes to knowing how to support my husband, to be honest.  Hubby and I just do what we do, no bells and whistles.

But I have to admit, it is more fun when we begin the process outside of the bedroom.  By this I mean, we send sexy text messages to each other, or we tell each other how good the other looks.  When he gets home, we cuddle and are affectionate with each other.  You can’t get into the mood without touching.

We have two little boys, so our sex lives have changed a bit.  We can’t just do it when we get in the mood.  But we can tickle, touch, or wink throughout the day to rev things up for when it is time (nap time, baby!).  If you are in a sexy rut, let me give you some advice from my friend.  Have sex every day for 30 days.  Just do it.

Now, I haven’t tried this, but I understand that the message behind this is to make physical intimacy a priority.  Sometimes we get too caught up with our schedules, work, or to do lists.  Make time for playing and good times (wink wink)!

Just remember that the world pressures the man to do the supporting, but women can do it too!  Don’t forget that men may be the head of the family, but women are the neck, supporting and controlling the head!  Men may not say they need support or even act like it, but we all need support in life.  We need friends and family to back us up.  Be that source of support your man knows he can come to when he needs it.  

Ask him what you can do to make his day better.  Ask if he is happy with the track your marriage is on or if there is anything more he would want from it.  While you are investing in him, he will be learning how to support you!  Score!

Lord Jesus,

Be with my husband.  I know he works hard for our family

and for You.  Help him feel close to you today.  Allow him to feel Your love and

respect.  Show me how to support and love him the way he needs

to be supported and loved.  Teach me to find ways in which I can love my

husband better every day.  

In Your loving and faithful name,

Amen