You know how they say “A good man is hard to find”?  Well, I don’t know about good men, but definitely a good husband is hard to find!  Do you remember when you were asked in school to write your life goals down.  Where do you see yourself in 5 years….10 years…15 years.  Oh, I had it planned out.  My 5 year goals were filled with finishing high school and going to college.  I would finish college, meet my husband, marry my husband, buy a house, and have a baby…..all by 25.  15 years?  Maybe I focus on my career then.  I didn’t have much of a plan for 15 years because I envisioned my life goals being achieved by the time I was 25.  

Of course, I laugh at this now.  At age 31, I have achieve many of my life goals, but certainly not all of them.  And why would I want to achieve all of my goals by age 25?  What will I do with the rest of my 75 years on this earth?  Was I planning on never having goals again?  Was I planning on falling so in love with my life that I did not need anything else?  Looking back, I realize how unprepared I was for my life.  But I took these goals very seriously at the time.

I remember when my 24th birthday came around.  I was still in college, finishing up my degree, had no boyfriend, no marriages in the future, no children, and definitely not enough money for a house.  But I only had a year to figure out how to get all of these things going in a short period of time.  And it seemed like everyone else around me was meeting their life goals.  I was from a small town, and most of my friends were married with kids on the way.  Where were mine?

But thank God for a big city.  I was in the capital of Indiana, where most girls live casually.  Careers are casual, boyfriends are casual, apartments were typical for my age range.  I was very confused as to which direction I was supposed to go.  Many of my friends around here didn’t get married, nor did they want to, until they were in their 30’s.  Kids began to arrive in their mid-thirties.  Do I wait this long?  Should I stop looking all together until I hit my thirties?  Should I continue to “party-it-up” and wait?

I went to get my hair done one day, and the hair dresser was telling me how I “have to get on Match.com.  Oh my gosh!  It’s the best thing you will ever do.”  She went on to tell me how she had 12 dates that month….yes 12!  And that enticed me!  Not necessarily to date that much, but to get that much free food?  Hey, I could try it 😉

So I signed up for the free trial, and after a few cuties “winked” at me, I prayed about it, and took the leap into membership.  “Oh my.  I am paying for dates…” I thought.  But working as a preschool teacher, attending art school, and bar hopping were not bringing me the opportunities to meet the man I wanted.  I wanted a good, Christian man.  Preferably cute and cuddly.  Someone who loved me.  I wanted someone fun with a great sense of humor.  Oh my list went on and on.  But did I meet him right away…….no.

I met a few nice guys, but many of them wanted one thing….and that thing did not include going to church and growing in our relationships with God.  I was beginning to get frustrated.  I was changing my life for the better in many ways.  I was eating healthier and exercising.  I was going to a church that I became a part of.  I was growing in understanding myself and my wants/desires.  And finally, I started to understand what I wanted in a man.  So I grabbed a few books to inspire me in my journey to meet my hubby.  One book was about a Christian woman’s journey in dating for a year (A Year of Blind Dates: A Single Girl’s Search for The One).  She described her ups and downs, but mostly she described the reasons why she would not lower her expectations.  And this, right here, is the difference between finding a boyfriend and finding your husband.  

God is a big God.  He loves to put people in our lives that help us grow in our relationship with Him.  So why not set high standards for your Christian man.  And those standards for me were not men trying to sleep with me after date numero uno.  But setting those standards and sticking to those standards is hard.  But isn’t it often hard to do the right thing?  Wouldn’t you rather work to find a man who is perfect for you and does meet your needs rather than a man who fills the void for a moment?

But honestly, after 9 months, going on date after date, getting winks from many smokin’ hot men (including an ex ha!), and finding no one meeting my standards, I gave up.  I put the computer away and took a break.  I was done meeting guy after guy who just wasn’t the one.  It was heartbreaking.  I found myself praying and praying for God to help me.  What am I supposed to be learning?  Do I need to change before I meet my husband?  I feel like I am where I am supposed to be, God.  Where is he?  Do You even have someone for me or am I meant to be one of those women who live without a man?  Why am I not special enough to find the man of my dreams?  That is what it boiled down to.  I felt like God wasn’t giving me what I wanted because He had forgotten about me when He was making wedding arrangements for all of the “better” Christian women out there.  But please, guys…watch this…

After a month of taking a break, I was sitting with my mom when I wanted a little morale boost to see the cuties that winked at me.  Hey, eye candy is still fun even if they aren’t your hubby!  But I soon found myself overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed by trying to decide who I should talk to, and if it would be worth it.  So I handed the computer to my mom.  “You pick for me.”  So she looked and found one.  We called him “the swarthy one.”  He was tall, dark, and handsome.  She told me he sounded nice and sincere.  She liked what he had to say.  She had a different perspective on the guys than I did.  So I winked back.

Almost 6 years later, married, with a dog and a 2 year old, I can say I am so grateful for my mom’s insight.  I am so grateful for the waiting.  I am so grateful that I went on as many frustrating dates as I did BECAUSE it took me that many dates to narrow my search.  It took that much time for God to form me and my husband into the perfect people for each other.  It took my frustration to hear another’s perspective about how to view the men in my life.  

He is everything and so much more than I had ever expected in a husband.  Oh, we have had our ups and downs, but there is no one else in the world I would choose to do life with than him.  My husband is not only a Christian, but he is the leader of our family and continues to inspire my relationship with God.  Though he is 3 years younger than me, he is far more mature and capable as an adult than I had ever dreamed.  My husband was 27 when he became a dad, and he is the best father I have ever seen any man become.  I am blessed to have him because God blessed me with him.  

I tell you this not to gloat, but to show you that if you hold your expectations high, without wavering, God will come through.  God blesses those who search for Him and who search to put others in their lives to develop that love for Him.  But God also asks us to walk through the desert to reach the land of milk and honey.  He asks us because he is refining us to be perfect fits for each other.  
So don’t give up if you haven’t found your “one.”  My life goals were delayed and still are in many different ways.  Never let others tell you that your standards are so high you won’t ever find your person.  God knows your standards, and He knows who will fit them.  But if you change and lower your standards, you will receive less than you dreamed.  Don’t lose hope, set your standards high, and take in what God provides.  It will be even better than you have ever dreamed.